Category Archives: Miscellaneous Thoughts

Sometimes I just have random thoughts to share. Topics may vary, depending on my ever-changing mood. The views of this blogger may not reflect your own, so please be tolerant or exercise your sense of humor while reading. I have been known to use sarcasm enthusiastically.

May 30, 2011 · 8:26 AM

Swamp People have invaded my home

"Daz a beeg alligeduh. Yup...BEEG alligeduh!"

Please, somebody help me. The show “Swamp People” has invaded my home, and The Complete Package is responsible. If you remember, we do not have cable television in our home. That fact alone has spared me from a lot of mindless programming. But then Netflix expanded their streaming repertoire, and we now have access to shows like “Ice Road Truckers” and “Swamp People.” Have you ever seen the swamp people? It’s Cajun gator hunting at its finest. Which is to say that it’s a step up from “Okie Noodling” because firearms are involved. I have no idea what the appeal is, truly, but TCP? Oh, yeah. He’s addicted. Smitten. Enthralled. And me? I’m disturbed. Confused. In denial.

Here’s a sampling of the phrases I’ve heard my college-educated computer engineer husband yell at the television this week:

“That’s Troy, honey. For the record, Troy is my favorite.”
(From the show’s website: “Known as the King of the Swamp, Troy is one of the bayou’s most charismatic hunters, a Cajun proud of his family’s long history in Pierre Parte. Last season he and his son captured the legendary Big Head, a huge 11-foot gator. This season, he and Jacob work with a new team member, a tough talking lady hunter named Liz—and don’t you dare call her Elizabeth.”)

“It’s a tree shaker! He’s got a tree shaker!”
(definition: a tree shaker is an alligator who is large enough to shake the tree the bait, line & hook are attached to.)

“Thaz a beeg alligeduh. Yep. A BEEG alligeduh.”
(translation: someone has just snared a very large alligator.)

“Oh, sweet! Junior just said, ‘pass me anudder rancid chicken!'”
(translation: I’m trying way too hard when I make dinner.)

Quote from the show: “Only the men cook alligator.” Cut to swamp women sitting on the dock drinking cocktails from plastic cups.
(translation: I’m trying way too hard when I make dinner.)

Alligator chef: “Tonight, we havin’ alligeduh à la sauce piquante!”
(translation: I’m not trying hard enough when I make dinner.)

Quote from the narrator, after gator hunting didn’t pan out: “It may have been a bad day for gators, but it’s a good night for froggin’. And around here, they eat just about anything for dinner.”
(translation: I need to read the menus closer the next time we visit New Orleans. Or hit Pat O’Briens first. They make a mean hurricane cocktail. Truly.)

Fascinating Fact: Did you know that if you measure the length between an alligator’s eyes and the tip of his snout, it will give you the alligator’s length? For example: a 12″ head measurement means a 12 foot alligator. See? The show goes beyond pure, guilty pleasure entertainment. It’s educational, as well.

Now, for the record, I’m not running down alligeduh hunters. I’ve eaten alligator and frog legs myself. Not often, granted, but I have tried them. I guess my problem is that I don’t like to see them killed any more than I’d want to watch a show called “Slaughterhouse Superheroes” and hear someone scream things like “He’s got a big burger there! Yup, a BEEG burger!” But that’s just me.

And I felt shame that “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” is my guilty pleasure show. How about you? What shows have you talking back to your television?

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May 26, 2011 · 6:40 AM

A “Versatile Blogger” Award? Cool!


Katie at Broken Resolutions has seen fit to bestow a Versatile Blogger Award upon me and for that I say, “Thanks, Katie! That’s cool!” I’m honored you think my little blog is award worthy, and I’m thrilled you’ve found inspiration here. Or at the very least, some entertainment value. The Complete Package will be happy to hear that his steak sandwiches with soy-ginger mayo have become a staple in your home. They are fabulous, aren’t they? And addictive.

And now, on to some award business. I’ve linked to Katie’s site above so you can check out her blog and photos of her adorable little munchkin, Bugaboo. Katie writes about her life, family, and job and the daily struggles & victories she faces each day as she tries to balance them all with grace. I hope you’ll drop in and visit her very soon. When you do, tell her I said hello!

Next up, sharing seven things about me that you may not already know:

1. I rode in the Goodyear Blimp as a child. Mom still has a photo of me and Big Sis to prove it. I was wearing my Brownie uniform. It happened sometime around 1969 to 1971, and I still remember how awesome it was.

2. I played the french horn in junior high & high school. Yes, I was a band geek.

3. Some of the movies I love: The Princess Bride, Forrest Gump, Benjamin Button, Mr & Mrs Smith, Sleepless in Seattle, It’s a Wonderful Life, Up, Fantastic Mr Fox, Everything is Illuminated, that last Diehard movie, Shindler’s List, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Rango… well, there are just too many to list.

4. I love pancakes. Fluffy, homemade pancakes. And breakfast for dinner.

5. Born in Dallas; raised in Fort Smith, Arkansas. Big city girl, that’s me.

6. I once had to have my car towed when it slid off the highway during a hailstorm. I was dressed in a full chicken costume.

7. I’m a “glass half-full” person, always trying to find the positive in any given situation. My usual mantra is something along the lines of “S#!t happens, so you may as well laugh about it.” It has served me well.

For my last order of business, I will share two blogs I love. I won’t be redundant, since I’ve mentioned a few others before, but I will share two more I adore.

Jenna’s Everything Blog – Jenna hails from Chicago where she shares an apartment with her husband and a burgeoning window garden. Her blog is filled with recipes (her pasta pomodoro made my blog last week – it’s fantastic), family stories, and lots of photos. If I had to pick one thing about Jenna that I love the most, it’s her enthusiasm. She tackles everything with gusto and a sense of humor. I found her through comments she posted on The Pioneer Woman’s website. She was one of a lucky few women who won a weekend at PW’s ranch, and her stories of that experience with her lovely mother at her side, hooked me. Thanks for sharing so fully, Jenna. I always look forward to what you’ll do next!

Lucky Girl Sweets n’ Stuff – Katie is a fellow Texan, calling the hills northeast of Austin home. She’s a school teacher by day, and food blogger by night. Girlfriend loves to cook. Along the way, she throws in interesting stories about her life with her trademark spunk. She’s getting ready to launch a new website, The Hill Country Cook, so visit her now and get to know her, but stay tuned to see what the new website will bring. She’s destined to do great things. For now, check out her video series of recipes she submitted for the “Real Women of Philadelphia” cooking contest sponsored by Paula Deen and Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Oh, the things Katie does with cream cheese!

A note to the bloggers mentioned above: you are under no obligation to pass this award along. You may exercise your free will at any time and simply smile and pat yourselves on the back, if you so choose. Or you can join the fun and pass it along to those you admire. Your choice. That’s the deal. Free shipping & handling. Limited time offer. Thank you for calling Time Life Books.

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May 19, 2011 · 10:52 AM

Baby Pineapple Update: Day 25


Just wanted to give you a quick update on the baby pineapple’s progress. It’s Day 25, and I am blown away by how quickly she’s growing. Yes, I said she. I have decided our first baby pineapple should be classified as a female, since she has the potential to spawn 2 more pineapples after this one, as well as additional plants from the shoots that will be emerging soon. Her name, therefore, shall be La Piña Saparot, a combination of names suggested by readers Toffee Marshmallows from the United Kingdom and Patricia DeWit from Thailand. The name may be redundant, since both words mean “pineapple”, but as the mother of my future pineapple farm, she deserves a name so nice you say it twice.

Click on the photo for a close up, then hit the “back” arrow to return to the post.

This week, the stalk supporting her is growing taller, and the “buds” for future shoots are starting to bulge from the stalk. There are three of them, and according to the Hawaiian Ag Site, we will need to cut some of them away in order to promote the growth of a second pineapple fruit (known as a ratoon). The good news is that those shoots, called suckers, can be planted to create new pineapple plants. The biggest news of the week is the flowers that are starting to bloom from the base of the pineapple. A few rows of these purple/blue flowers should gradually bloom over the next 2 weeks. Once they die back, the fruit begins to flourish and eventually ripen. I can’t wait to see how she progresses!

On a separate note, we thoroughly enjoyed the pineapple I received from the kids on Mother’s Day. You know… the one I used to punk readers into thinking the baby was fully grown? Well, I made sweet & sour chicken for dinner last night with big chunks of my Mother’s Day pineapple, and it was delicious. The good news, however, is that we planted the top and started a new pineapple plant. One’s a novelty, but two’s a farm. I think I will call this one Spike.

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May 16, 2011 · 11:11 AM

Houston Treasure: Glenwood Cemetery

A cemetery may not be everyone’s idea of a local treasure, but there is one in Houston that fits the description. It’s not just a cemetery… it’s a sanctuary for those who shaped the city of Houston throughout its history. Established in 1872, early settlers, city founders, empire builders and beloved city residents rest here. Most famously, it is the final resting place of billionaire businessman Howard Hughes. But it’s the men and women who shaped the city of Houston that catch my eye – Milam, Allen, Rice, Cooley, Hermann, Harris, Hobby, Hofheinz, and Wortham. Glenwood Cemetery is a place of contrast – loss & peace, pain & comfort, simplicity & beauty, and history in the shadow of downtown skyscrapers. This is my photo tribute to those who rest here.

“Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow; I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight that ripened grain; I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush, I am the swift uplifting rush,
Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there; I did not die.”
– Irish funeral prayer

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May 11, 2011 · 7:00 AM

Baby Pineapple Update: Day 18

We’re having a baby pineapple! After my earlier post, several of you asked that I post photos of the baby pineapple so you can track his/her progress. It warms my heart that you’re as excited as we are about our first baby after 6 long years of nurturing our pineapple plant. I’m beyond stunned at how fast it’s growing. While the Hawaiian Ag Department website said to expect it to take 5-6 months to mature, it seems to be growing much, much faster than that. See for yourself:

I’m just messing with you. That’s the pineapple I got for Mother’s Day. Sorry.

Here are the actual photos or our little sugarbaby. Unaltered, I promise!

You know, we’re going to have to find a name for him/her soon so I can quit calling it Him/Her. I think a baby pineapple naming contest may be in order. Readers could submit potential names, then vote for a favorite. What do you think? Should we name the baby pineapple?

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May 2, 2011 · 10:13 AM

“I want my baby pineapple!”

Six years. That’s how long it has been since I lopped the top off a fresh pineapple and planted it in the ground. For six years, I’ve dreamed of eating pineapple grown with my own two hands. It’s not an impossible dream. Remember… I live in Houston, and we’re considered a sub-tropical zone. I grow bananas in my back yard. It shouldn’t be a stretch to grow a pineapple. Logistically.

I have a special relationship with my pineapple plant. I’ve nurtured and protected it for six long years. I’ve babied it. I’ve watered it. I’ve even moved it inside when temperatures dipped close to freezing and wrapped it in a warm blanket. I’ve treated my pineapple plant better than some people treat their pets (shame on them, by the way). I also talk to my pineapple plant. In the beginning, it was “Good morning, pineapple plant!” After a few years, it was “Lookin’ good!” But for the past year, it has been “I want my baby pineapple!” Someone (me, I guess) failed to tell my pineapple plant that the average wait time – from planting to producing – is about 20 months. That’s what the Ag Department for the state of Hawaii says. And when held to the Hawaiian standard, my pineapple plant is a late bloomer. A very late bloomer.

And that makes this announcement even sweeter. On Easter Sunday, The Complete Package looked down into the center of the pineapple plant and declared it “with child.” That’s right, friends. We are expecting! We kept the faith. We kept watering. We never gave up. And after 6 long years, it may finally happen. We appear to have a pineapple bloom sprouting. Check this out:

I’ll be posting occasional photos as our baby grows. If you’re a pineapple expert and this bloom is NOT a baby pineapple, please feel free to leave a comment telling me I’m an idiot. It won’t be the first time. Or even the second. But until then, I remain eternally optimistic.

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April 25, 2011 · 9:53 AM

“You may be right. I may be crazy.”

Do you sing in your car? Do you crank up the music, sing along, and make up lyrics if you don’t know them? I do. Especially if I’m alone and not stopped at a light near other cars. When my daughter and I are together, I sometimes let it rip. She shares my enthusiastic, sometimes off-key lounge lizard piano bar karaoke love of music. When Mom and some of my sisters were here, we sang in the car… a lot. While we were cruising antique shops, Creedence Clearwater Revival’s classic “Bad Moon Rising” came on, and to my surprise, Big Sis belted out “there’s a bathroom on the right.” Huh? Bathroom on the right? Funny, Sis!

As it turns out, there are MANY songs being sung in cars or showers with hysterical, misheard lyrics. My personal favorite for years has been Jimi Hendrix wailing on his guitar singing “scuse me while I kiss this guy.” Who cares that it’s supposed to be “kiss the sky?” Where’s the fun in that? So being the curious little minx I am, I had to research the topic. Break out the giggles and warm up your vocal chords. This is a lot more fun if you sing along!

Artist: Elton John
Song: Tiny Dancer
Actual Lyric: “hold me closer, tiny dancer”
Misheard Lyric: “hold me closer, Tony Danza”

Artist: Black Eyed Peas
Song: Boom Boom Pow
Actual Lyric: “gotta get that”
Misheard Lyric: “gotta’ Kit Kat” (I’m SO singing this now!)

Artist: OneRepublic
Song: Apologize
Actual Lyric: “it’s too late to apologize…too late”
Misheard Lyric: “it’s too late to order fries…too late”

Artist: Madonna
Song: Like a Virgin
Actual Lyric: “touched for the very first time”
Misheard Lyric: “touched for the thirty-first time” (don’t get me started)

Artist: The Rolling Stones
Song: Beast of Burden
Actual Lyric: “I’ll never be your beast of burden”
Misheard Lyric: “I’ll never leave your pizza burnin”

Artist: Elvis
Song: Hounddog
Actual Lyric: “you ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine”
Misheard Lyric: “you ain’t never pornographic and you ain’t no friend of mind”

Artist: The Bee Gees
Song: Stayin’ Alive
Actual Lyric: “ah, ah, ah, ah… stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive”
Misheard Lyric: “ah, ah, ah, ah… steak & a knife, steak & a knife”

Artist: Eagles
Song: Desperado
Actual Lyric: “you’ve been out ridin’ fences for so long now”
Misheard Lyric: “you’ve been outright offensive for so long now”

And my new favorite bungled song lyric of all time:
Artist: Billy Joel
Song: You May Be Right
Actual Lyric: “You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you’re lookin’ for.”
Misheard Lyric: “You made the rice. I made the gravy. But it may just be a tuna fish you’re lookin’ for.” (this one really cracks me up)

I’ll never sing these songs the correct way again. It’s just too much fun to sing them badly! And if loving bad song lyrics is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. If you want to browse more misheard song lyrics including an awesome “Top 100” list, try http://www.kissthisguy.com/funny.php

Are there any mangled song lyrics among your favorites? I’d LOVE to hear them. Please share. Pretty please? You don’t need to sing them, just leave a comment!

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April 20, 2011 · 6:22 AM

The Moon & Stars

I love the moon. I took this from our backyard this weekend. Isn't she gorgeous?


The Moon and Stars

The stars that round the Queen of Night
like maids attend her
hide as in veils of mist their light
when she, in full-orbed glory bright
o’er all the earth shines from her height,
a silver splendor.

– Sappho

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March 31, 2011 · 7:30 AM

Sometimes It’s The Simple Things


“I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds around my neck.”
-Emma Goldman

Well said, Ms. Goldman. Don’t get me wrong. I have a great appreciation for quality gem stones, and The Complete Package has picked out some good ones. But I also would have fresh flowers in every room of my home every day of the year if I could. If I had to pick one – flowers every day or diamonds, I think I might be tempted to lean towards the flowers. I hope TCP doesn’t read this. Oh, well…he knows I have pretty simple taste. I’m not the flashy type. Something about the beauty and fragrance of flowers gets to me. Like our mountain laurels in bloom, or the plumeria we bought in Hawaii, or a grape hyacinth in the spring or honeysuckle in late summer. So tell me…are you a flowers person, or a diamonds person? PS – I’m not giving any diamonds back. Just so we’re clear.

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