Swamp People have invaded my home

"Daz a beeg alligeduh. Yup...BEEG alligeduh!"

Please, somebody help me. The show “Swamp People” has invaded my home, and The Complete Package is responsible. If you remember, we do not have cable television in our home. That fact alone has spared me from a lot of mindless programming. But then Netflix expanded their streaming repertoire, and we now have access to shows like “Ice Road Truckers” and “Swamp People.” Have you ever seen the swamp people? It’s Cajun gator hunting at its finest. Which is to say that it’s a step up from “Okie Noodling” because firearms are involved. I have no idea what the appeal is, truly, but TCP? Oh, yeah. He’s addicted. Smitten. Enthralled. And me? I’m disturbed. Confused. In denial.

Here’s a sampling of the phrases I’ve heard my college-educated computer engineer husband yell at the television this week:

“That’s Troy, honey. For the record, Troy is my favorite.”
(From the show’s website: “Known as the King of the Swamp, Troy is one of the bayou’s most charismatic hunters, a Cajun proud of his family’s long history in Pierre Parte. Last season he and his son captured the legendary Big Head, a huge 11-foot gator. This season, he and Jacob work with a new team member, a tough talking lady hunter named Liz—and don’t you dare call her Elizabeth.”)

“It’s a tree shaker! He’s got a tree shaker!”
(definition: a tree shaker is an alligator who is large enough to shake the tree the bait, line & hook are attached to.)

“Thaz a beeg alligeduh. Yep. A BEEG alligeduh.”
(translation: someone has just snared a very large alligator.)

“Oh, sweet! Junior just said, ‘pass me anudder rancid chicken!'”
(translation: I’m trying way too hard when I make dinner.)

Quote from the show: “Only the men cook alligator.” Cut to swamp women sitting on the dock drinking cocktails from plastic cups.
(translation: I’m trying way too hard when I make dinner.)

Alligator chef: “Tonight, we havin’ alligeduh à la sauce piquante!”
(translation: I’m not trying hard enough when I make dinner.)

Quote from the narrator, after gator hunting didn’t pan out: “It may have been a bad day for gators, but it’s a good night for froggin’. And around here, they eat just about anything for dinner.”
(translation: I need to read the menus closer the next time we visit New Orleans. Or hit Pat O’Briens first. They make a mean hurricane cocktail. Truly.)

Fascinating Fact: Did you know that if you measure the length between an alligator’s eyes and the tip of his snout, it will give you the alligator’s length? For example: a 12″ head measurement means a 12 foot alligator. See? The show goes beyond pure, guilty pleasure entertainment. It’s educational, as well.

Now, for the record, I’m not running down alligeduh hunters. I’ve eaten alligator and frog legs myself. Not often, granted, but I have tried them. I guess my problem is that I don’t like to see them killed any more than I’d want to watch a show called “Slaughterhouse Superheroes” and hear someone scream things like “He’s got a big burger there! Yup, a BEEG burger!” But that’s just me.

And I felt shame that “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” is my guilty pleasure show. How about you? What shows have you talking back to your television?

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “Swamp People have invaded my home

  1. As a former computer engineer–I knew I liked TCP. Geeks can sense each other. Netflix has opened a new world for us too. Mostly its been catching up on National Geographic documentaries like “Inside China”, etc. When Hubby is distracted with something else, it’s all period dramas all the time for me. (Hubby is SO not into watching “Young Victoria.”) Being at my parents this weekend, we have been sucked into the vortex of the “American Pickers” marathon. These guys show up at the homes of antiques collectors/hoarders and pick for cool stuff in their barns/attics to re-sell. Seriously addictive TV for anyone that likes to dig around in antique shops. You might want to avoid that can of worms.

    • If you’re into reality TV via Netflix, rent “Inside Job” about the collapse of our financial system and the mortgage cluster-fudge. It’s scarier than a handful of horror movies. I’m thinking about burying all our money in the back yard. PS – just watched Young Victoria last week (sans TCP, of course). Loved it! Thanks for the head’s up on Pickers. I’ll have to avoid that one like the plague. I love antiquing too much already.

  2. Oh my goodness, you just described my house to the “T”!!!! No cable= sweet peaceful Saturday afternnons while the kids nap. Then WHAMMO, Netflix starts Instant streaming the above mentioned shows and many many more. (Like a logger one?) Now my Saturday afternoons are filled with the sound of Dale watching these instead. Hmm, maybe now that the lawn is starting to grow duty will call him outdoors? I’m with you, I watch no evening tv UNTIL they bring out Bach or Bachette, then this Momma gets the tv AND remote for once! lol :)

    • I’m all nerved up about bad-boy Bentley, and we’re just getting started. If she falls for this jerk, I’ll have to stop watching all together. Of course, I said that after Wes the country singer, Michelle the stalker, and many others, too. I can’t help it. It’s my train wreck show. I can’t stop watching. I have a feeling we’ll have LOTS to talk about this season!

  3. P.S. I do like American Pickers once in a while. Oh and I LOVE Cake Boss! Guess Netflix instant TV isn’t all bad!

  4. I love it. We don’t have cable either (or Netflix) but my daughter does! I spend Shark Week at her house. Love me some Shark Week.
    It sounds a lot like the Swamp People and ya know a lot of these shows are actually the same 2 college guys just in different clothes. When Bears Attack? Same 2 guys. Shark Week? Same 2 guys. Swamp People? Same 2 stoned and mud smeared guys. Kate Plus 8 actually the worst show ever made SAME 2 GUYS. Just kidding.
    Loved your post.Happy M-Day.

    • Oh, my gravy. You had me laughing out loud. Is there a conspiracy theory show streaming on Netflix? Because if there is, I’LL BET IT’S THE SAME 2 GUYS! The Kate Plus 8 inclusion made me snort. Never watched that show. The lead-ins on Entertainment Tonight and appearances on talk shows were enough to horrify me. But I do love me some Shark Week, too!

  5. Doris D.

    America’s Funniest Videos is my belly laugh for the week. Always puts me in a good mood for the rest of the week. But did you see the Memorial Day Special on PBS last night. Oh my goodness! A fabulous night.

    • I missed that PBS concert, but I’m sure it was fabulous. TCP and I were eating grilled brats and strawberry shortcake, followed by a movie. Don’t you just love long holiday weekends?

  6. I have not caught that show–and I do have cable! Your two main lessons that I distilled from your post are do not try so hard at dinner, and eat out more with good booze. ; ) My guilty pleasures are sci-fi shows–that could be Star Trek or Star Wars (original) movies or X-Files–or a range of bad but good movies. One you should catch to keep with the Swamp People theme is Lake Placid–the star is a misfit gator that happens to eat people. Oddly funny. Great cameo by Betty White. Keep laughing!

    Also, Happy Memorial Day–as I say in my post earlier today–it is up to us to keep America beautiful by honoring our service personnel. I would now add and for the freedom to watch questionable but entertaining TV!

    • I’ll have to look for Lake Placed. Anything with Betty White is A-OK in my book. And you’re right. As Americans, we know that freedom is not free and we owe a great debt to the men and women serving in our Armed Forces. Without them, we’d be lost. “Thank you” seems inadequate, but it’s a great start. I send all my love and gratitude to our troops and those who have fought to defend our way of life, even if it includes junk food and bad television programming. They are all rock stars and heroes.

  7. Hee hee, I enjoyed this post. I have not watched Swamp People but have flipped past it a few times and I have to say your typing of the Cajun accent is spot-on! I could hear them perfectly in my head!

    p.s. (Is it sad that I know what “Noodling” is without googling it? Because I do.)

  8. Amy

    Yes, I have had an invastion of Swamp People as well. Along with Axe Men, Swamp Loggers, Sons of Guns, Pawn Stars, American Pickers, Dog The Bounty Hunter and Storage Wars. My husband watches all these shows. It’s a sickness.
    Just give me a Mythbusters marathon and I’m happy!

    • We totally need to keep our spouses away from each other. OR…we totally need to get our husbands together. We could have hours of fun while they yell at the television together. We’ll leave them a pizza and a six-pack, then we’ll escape for a pitcher of margaritas and a great zombie movie…. if only we lived closer.

  9. HGTV House Hunters… I pretty much watched that all day yesterday. I’m addicted. Last year, it was Project Runway, but it hasn’t been on in awhile.

    • I haven’t seen either one of those (again, no cable). I wonder if Netflix streams them? Guess I’ll be browsing the “View Instantly” category again!

  10. Big Sis

    Ok, don’t have cable or netflix, but I did pick up a copy of ‘Zombieland’ and watched it last night!! I still roll when I watch that stupid movie!! and know so does my hubby.

    • Hey! There’s nothing stupid about Zombieland! I LOVE that movie! It’s hysterical. Never has a man felt so much love for a twinkie. I still get in my car and think “Rule #4 – Seatbelts” and every time TCP annoys me, I’m thinking “Rule #2 – Double Tap.” Heeheehee

  11. I’m a big HGTV fan. My husband keeps saying I should go into the business of real estate or decorating, since I spend so much time watching everyone else do it. Yes, I’ve caught a few minutes of Swamp People here and there too. Having lived briefly in Louisiana for a few months, I can’t say I was that surprised by the whole thing. We were even offered a personal swamp tour by some people similar to the guys on the show. We declined – that’s just beyond what I can possibly handle.

    • A swamp tour may be fascinating, but I’d be a little nervous that I may not come back out. Plus even the slightest chance that a snake may fall from a tree into the boat would convince me not to try it! And if watching something on TV made me an expert, I’d be a world class dancer. I could watching dancing shows all day, but I can’t put flip flops on without falling over. Sadly, grace and agility are not in my repertoire. My favorite cable shows are always on the Travel Channel, the Discovery Channel and the Food Network. But since we don’t have cable, I only get to watch those shows on vacation or at My Baby’s house. And that’s if I can squeeze one in between Jonah Bear’s movie marathons. That boy sure loves his movies!

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