Elliptical Trainer: Thy Name is Satan

I have an elliptical machine and believe it or not, you’ll never find laundry hanging on it (even though that seems to be the most popular use for one). No, I actually use mine for exercise. The Complete Package and I bought one last year in an effort to improve ourselves. For a while, I was spending one hour a day, five days a week on it, and I’ll be honest – I felt great. My butt got smaller, my legs were firmer, and my nagging knee pain was gradually disappearing. My blood pressure even fell 20 points. Yup, for a while there, my elliptical was my new best friend. Things were definitely good between us. I felt like we had the right stuff. Each morning as I grabbed my Gatorade and my I-Pod and laced up my Asics, I had a song in my heart. You know this one by Melissa Manchester, don’t you?

And I think we can make it
One more time
If we try
One more time for all the old times

I think we can make it
I think we can make it
Oh, wouldn’t you give your heart to a friend?
Think of me as your friend…

Yep, my elliptical and me…we had a good thing going. But then all hell broke loose. That’s right. H-E-double-hockey-sticks. As in “hell hath no fury.” As in “there’s gonna be hell to pay.” As in “Oh, hell no!” That’s right…summer struck South Texas with a vengeance, and my elliptical is in the garage.

Our Elliptical Trainer - Too Hot to Handle

Some of you may be thinking “where I come from, that’s called dodging a bullet!” Yeah, well tell that to my pants that don’t fit. I know we like to say cute clothes are “to die for” but not if you really have to DIE for them! The “feels like” temperature in south Hades today was 112F. I don’t care where you come from, that’s not exercisin’ weather. Hot tubs aren’t even comfortable at 112F.

Some of you may also be thinking, “just drag that sucker into the house where there’s air conditioning.” To which I say, “I KNOW! That’s what I was thinking!” But that’s where The Complete Package and I disagreed. I was thinking “just put it anywhere near a ceiling fan.” He was thinking “I’m not tripping over that thing and breaking a foot.” And he’s right. There’s really no practical place to put it inside the house without tripping all over it. Yes, I suppose I could have put up a fight. I could have drawn a line in the carpet and refused to back down, but then I remembered Mom always said, “Girls, learn to pick your battles!” And I always listen to my Mom. That’s why I’m her favorite. Anyway, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. It’s Mom’s fault.

So now I’ll be looking for something else to do… or wearing different pants… or putting down the coffee shortbread cookies… or waiting for fall. There’s always the Stairmaster…

Stairmaster - Kickin' It Old School



Filed under Miscellaneous Thoughts

3 responses to “Elliptical Trainer: Thy Name is Satan

  1. Big Sis

    Oh buck up, you sissy! Learn to master the Stair Master, you will! And may the farce, opps, force be with you!

  2. I LOVE/HATE my elliptical! I started enjoying it a LOT more when I got my own Netflix queue (separate from the family account) and started watching back TV episodes to time my workouts. Old episodes of Top Chef make for the perfect 43 minutes workout! I set program and go! Yeah before that I hated it tho…..

  3. I left my elliptical on ebay and paid for a gym membership with air conditioning. But I like your stair master, lol!

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